7 days since my last entry in to this e-diary... blame it on the blogger. After what was a long hectic week that culminated with an extremely dreary straight-from-jupiter friday... when my heart couldn't take it any longer, I vented it out into this space of mine and wanted to blog it to my spot.....It all happened in a flash. I didn't even realise when it happened... I can still remember my eyes checking for typos in the last few words when my hand reached for the mouse and clicked the button and for a micro second... everything was still and then.... Disaster stuck. I couldn't believe what I was seeing... How could this happen to me??? The site was down!!
Thoroughly dejected I even contemplated commiting suicide during the weekend... going to the extents of eating my own food... all going invain. Who was it who said ...
"Now that all my ladders are gone..
I go back to where all ladders start.. .
to the foul rag and the bone
shop of the heart!".

As devdas says, "Yahan nahin avunga tho aur kaha jaunga!!" Sirf ek paro ki zaroorat hai ;) Anyways... The weekend was a good respite. A few good movies, a visit to the museum (again!!!), a few snaps with the Mona lisa (again!!!), a ride on the boat in the night thru the river running right in the middle of this romantic city... the lights on both sides sparsed over all those traces history's left here... You would have to see it to believe it.
And Iam back... as a cog in the same wheel of monotony... finding joy in every little triumph.. smiling at the slightest of ironies (I found it particularly funny when one of the dishes for today's lunch was named 'o0o'... God knows what they mean ;)) .. I guess, Iam one guy ideally suited for this life... Am I ? I shall never know.. coz' it's all in the heart to love what you get....   ¶ 8:38 AM 0 comments

  Sigh!!!!! My application is finally running now. Sitting at my desk, I can see what the other guys are doing in the virtual world (literally :)!!) that I've created for them... It's been days and nights of work, moments when you find yourself helplessly fighting against errors beyond the limits of reason, times when you ask yourself, why in the name of god, you have to do all this when the rest of them scurry back to their holes as soon as the sun leaves its chair! And today, when it's finally running.... I feel like God! This is my creation and Iam letting souls enter my world and marvel the curves and the shades and hues and most importantly, the idea.. the life within that runs the application. I hold it in my hands and proclaim to the masses around that it's mine... Iam sure I've a long way to go. So many more changes that every Tom D and harry shall propose. Excellence is an endless pursuit, I realise and the joy lies not in reaching the pinnacle but in overcoming those little hurdles on the way and climaxes at that one single moment when you look back at what you've crossed and smile to yourself. I can hear the blisters in my mouth,self inflicted repercussions of frustration and masochism, telling me that it's too early to smile. But I shall ... I've won this moment and I shall live this to the fullest - Me.  ¶ 9:30 AM 0 comments

  We've been sitting in the same bench for a long time now.. it has always been our favourite seat... Sitting right there, staring at the setting crimson sun painting the skies and above... we've lived our lifetimes every evening there, laughing like lunatics on jokes we would have otherwise scorned on, smiling to eachother for reasons even jesus can't fathom, finding the slightest of excuses to hold eachother's hands and thanking the stars above for having got us together.... but today.. we were staring at eachother's faces trying to memorise every detail of it and trying to imagine every little change and every little line that shall appear on it in those long years we shan't be seeing eachother again... We couldn't have helped it... It's been our parents decision all along in our lives... what we wear, what we are.. but they never seemed to object both of us meeting eachother... we could always see them smiling to eachother when we walked our ways together. (to be continued..).  ¶ 10:29 AM 0 comments

  I've a few minutes before they barge into my room for another meeting... I think I've to get more focussed before I start writing something. What a weekend did I have!! Solitude is bliss... My phone wouldn't let me make any outgoing calls coz' god knows where that stupid piece of bill is lost in the chaos pervading all over my drawing room... That is good coz' even out of desperation, if I want to share someone's company I can't ... So, I cooked this wonderful lunch which was any gourmet's delight ;), had shah rukh and Kajol for dinner, dancing and singing with me all night... It was a perfect dinner... The moon, my dreams and I. Sometimes, I start thinking if this is my nature... am I this crab (the cancerian) in total harmony with Solitude, basking in the sunshine in that one world devoid of people, where dreams rule the sky and parade them in all wonderful colours.. where Iam the I, you he and she.. and every soul is just a manifestation of my imagination.. or am I just enjoying lonliness, coz deep down I know I've somebody with me always... Iam this secure kid in his mother's arms who shall so carelessly ask his mom to get lost ... coz he doesn't even fathom the possibility of such a thing happening.... Sometimes I think Iam going crazy... the rest of the time... I don't think :)  ¶ 4:12 AM 0 comments

  Why do I have to write? A hundred thousand answers that are running in my mind right now paint the same picture... So many things in our lives are based on a few assumptions that we don't question... we don't because we know we would never have the answers for those and we convince ourselves that our abode, life, is based on a real strong foundation of ethics... Come to think of it, You can justify anything. And if this isn't true, a hundred thousand souls shall commit suicide everyday out of remorse... Have you felt this weird feeling of consciously taking a detour from a wellmade highway and getting lost in the dark mushy woods.. all the while realising what you are doing.... I had my headlights on when I started writing and now I realise Iam caught at a point of no return and a step ahead is affirmation to torture.... And the eventual question I ask myself.. So, if you can justify anything then why are souls sad in this wretched piece of land.. Coz, the battles end in the land of heart, but the war never does... the rule stands high in the middle of all ruins.. the last of the words that the failed read before closing their eyes forever... "An eye for an eye"
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  Now when I read what I wrote yesterday, I realise I was just too excited about getting this blogspot for myself... Frankly, I need an excuse to write.. an excuse that shall overwhelm all my excuses to decide against writing... I don't have paper, I can't find the right pen, Iam anyway gonna lose it... whatever!!! Good.. let me let this sink in me so that the ME can surface and spurt on paper. Have you felt it.. you suddenly look around to catch the next train of thought and smile to yourself realising what you just thought would be the most trivial things to say at that moment.. I just felt it now... Someday, right here I shall write the biography of the twig that Iam staring at right now... But for now, gotta rush for another meeting ... adios!  ¶ 8:02 AM 0 comments

  Freedom!! I can feel my lungs fill up with a feeling of exuberance now.. I've my space and I own it, change it, ruin it and let my soul parade like a king majestically on it! This is excellent!! As the famous poet in Tamil, Bharathi said... " Did you believe that I shall fail in this contest of life.. like those funny nothings around falling prey to ostracism "
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